At the age of 14 I found myself pregnant & afraid. The choice of what should be done was left up to my parents. I was seen as being too young to have a voice in the matter, so they turned to local clinics to seek guidance. Abortion seemed to be the “quick fix” answer they were looking for, however I was too far along to have one in MS. Therefore, I was taken to Louisiana because their late term abortion laws were more lenient. I was 22 weeks pregnant, which required a longer termination process, so we had to make arrangements to stay in a local motel for the duration. I had to go into the clinic on day 1 for the dilation process to be started, then return the next day to deliver. It was a long night to say the least. I remember sitting in the bathroom alone and afraid in our motel room. I was in so much pain. I didn’t understand that I was actually in labor. I just wanted to go home, but I was stuck there waiting for the morning to come. The ride to the clinic was a blur. I don’t remember going into the building, only laying on the table. I actually got up and ran out of the building because I didn’t want to follow through with the abortion. A receptionist/clinician came out and talked with me. She told me I was at a high risk of miscarrying and maybe never having children if I didn’t go through with it, so I had to find the courage to walk back in. Before the procedure got started I hit my knees and cried out to The Lord to forgive me. I knew what was about to happen was wrong, but I was so afraid and didn’t know what else to do. I was never given a choice.
This is something that has left a lasting impression on my life. It changed everything. I was no longer a child looking forward to child like things. I was a mother to a child I would never have the opportunity to raise. Shortly after the abortion I slipped into depression which caused continuous anxiety attacks. I was eventually prescribed antidepressants/anti anxiety medication. I struggled for years with nightmares, and extreme anxiety and depression. Only after years of counseling and a post abortive Bible study I found some closure. I still struggle with sleeping in silence, and nightmares from time to time, but it’s something I’ve just had to learn to deal with. I am currently taking medication for my anxiety, which flares up from time to time. Especially when the anniversary of my abortion approaches.
I’ve been married to my childhood friend for 27 years, and we have 8 children including a niece and 2 nephews that have been with us for several years now. We have been blessed with 4 grandsons, and are looking forward to watching our family continue to grow. Although there is much busyness and laughter, we miss the one that isn’t with us. My son would’ve been 30 this September 2024, and how I wish I could just look into his eyes and tell him how much I love him.
