Celine

Still, I tried to have conversations with him about how he felt about the baby. He was not on board at all. He said he would not slow his life down or make accommodations for the baby, he said my body would change, he told me how stressful it would be with a third child and that he didn’t have time for it. I desperately wanted to keep my baby, but I started to get overcome by the fear of possibly raising three children with no support. I consulted my mother who scared me further. My husband started making jokes about abortion and complained about my lack of libido, saying “what’s the point of you being pregnant if you don’t want to ****”. He told me to stop referring to the baby as a baby in conversation, and said it was “a clump of cells”.

My confidence in keeping the baby started to drain, and I decided on a medical abortion. I mourned the baby before the abortion even happened, but out of fear of keeping my relationship and financial worries, I went through with it.

Not a day goes by that I don’t think about my baby. The truth is that my baby was more than a “clump of cells”, it was a real human baby in development. The post abortion bleeding smelled like afterbirth, it was not just an embryo. I am now working on a relationship with God as I have felt called to do after this experience. There is so little information about the trauma and pain of abortion, and so many women are coerced or manipulated into abortion. I wish I knew the truth about abortion before I made that decision. I wish I would have been strong enough to defend the life of my unborn baby.