This was in 1991, before we had the internet. I was 18 and had been dating what was supposed to be my future husband. We had been dating for 2.5 years when I found out I was pregnant. He was at a nearby college from where I was attending college. He was the first in his family to attend college and had a lot of student loans. I was just finally turning my life around and got into a great college. This was the first time in my life my parents were proud of me.
I was raised in a Carnal Christian home and stopped attending church shortly after our 2nd move to a new and affluent town because my dad couldn’t seem to hold down a job for very long. I was in 8th grade at the time of this 2nd move in my childhood. My parents were Republican but openly pro-choice. I was adopted but my parents openly discussed not believing in adoption anymore because “closed”adoptions were no longer an option and they were bad for the nuclear family.
When I was 18 I asked my mom to take me to the doctor for a Pap smear. In front of my brother and my dad she asked if I was sexually active and I didn’t answer her. My mother went upstairs to her bedroom and gave me the silent treatment for a few days. A few months later I asked her again and she presumed to know I was sexually active and she asked if I thought sex felt good but refused to get me to a doctor so I could get on birth control. We used condoms every time we had sex. My parent’s rule was that I had to go away to college and find a job after graduation so essentially I was kicked out after HS. They paid for college but I had to be done in 4 years. Attending college and living at home wasn’t an option. My parents were big on threatening to kick my siblings and I out of the house if we stepped out of line.
I was in my dorm room when I found out I was pregnant and based on my home life I thought that coming home pregnant wasn’t an option. Also, I had known a couple of people who had an abortion and didn’t seem bothered after the procedure. I immediately called my boyfriend and he agreed to get the money for an abortion. He was just as afraid of my mother as I was and didn’t want her to cut off my college tuition. I went to the initial appointment and I was 5 weeks and 4 days pregnant but I had to wait until I was 7 weeks to have the abortion. Oh how I wish I would have never gone back for the procedure.
At 7 weeks I went and had the abortion. Shortly afterwards we broke up and six months later my boyfriend committed suicide. 35 years later I am still haunted from having that abortion and not a day goes by where I don’t think of my missing child and my wonderful boyfriend. Life is precious, abortion is never an option. I would give anything to go back in time, tell my parents I was pregnant and figure out life with my baby and boyfriend. Abortion is evil and will destroy your life!
I graduated from college, met an amazing man who I married. We went on to have 6 children and I didn’t tell him about my abortion until after 2 decades of marriage. The suicide overshadowed the abortion and I buried the abortion when he died. Unfortunately abortion never leaves you so it resurfaced with a vengeance.
