My name is Samantha. I just turned 43 in December. As an only child I wanted 4 children so I’d have a full house. Summer after 7th grade I got my first boyfriend. I didn’t know how a boy was supposed to act around a girl. He lied about his age. I met him outside my junior high and he was there from high school to pick up his brother who was a year older than me. He started hanging out constantly. I thought he just liked me. July 1st was his birthday. He pressured me into sex. Then when I tried to get rid of him he would start shouting outside my window threatening to tell my mom which was the last thing I wanted.
I kept having sex with him out of fear & by September I conceived without even knowing it. My mother noticed that she didn’t have to buy sanitary products, I was tired and always craving Subway. She made me get a test after confronting me. I went walking in the snow to the pharmacy and got a test. Sure enough I was pregnant. I was scared to death. I lied in the beginning and said I was almost 15, and he said he was turning 16. Turns out we both lied. I was 13 and he was 18. He was physically, sexually, emotionally, and mentally abusive.
I went to Planned Parenthood in my town. I was 11 weeks, so I would have to travel an hour to another PP. I wanted this shame to go away. I wanted to be a mother but not going into 8th grade and a mom who was getting food stamps. I was afraid they’d separate my mom and me.
It’s exactly how everyone describes it, a cold table, there were about 5 doctors and a nurse/counselor who held my hand during the procedure. Then I was moved into a room with juice and Nutter Butters.
I’ve never been able to get pregnant again. I’ve blamed myself for 30 years. Everyone always assumes I didn’t want kids, little do they know.
