OK, before I write, i need to say the following….I had an abusive childhood and the abuse in some form or another lasted till I was about 24 years old. I could go on forever regarding this subject alone. I suffer from depression, PTSD, OCD. So, my first abortion was a hard decision. I was very sick physically. You could say I lost my mind.
After that, at first I was relieved. About a month later I started feeling pretty bad. I could not go to baby showers or spend any amount of time with a pregnant woman in the room. To this very day everyday I think of my babies. Not a day goes by without thinking of them. I was 24; I am now 61.
I have confessed and was forgiven. But, I still feel like a person who maybe could of had the child. The guilt is so built in my heart, I can’t feel God’s love. I’m trying to have a relationship with him but I don’t feel heard. Every year the day of my abortion is firm in my mind and every June I mourn because that was my due date. It’s been so hard living each day without my children. I’m already living in the depths of hell. I know where I’m going when I leave this world. It’s not to far from where I’m at now.
