It started out with a relationship with a man who lied about everything. I unknowingly fell for all of it. His intentions from the start were sexual. I blew it off until I dealt with coercion on the first day we hung out. I was able to lie and say I was on my period. For some reason I thought that’s what you’re supposed to do in relationships.
I ended up consenting to sex after being coerced and got pregnant immediately. I sometimes initiated sex due to the trauma from the constant emotional and mental abuse and manipulation. From the beginning I knew I couldn’t go on with the pregnancy although I never thought of myself as someone who would have an abortion. I was terrified of the abuse I may endure at home by my father I was scared i would never have a home and be homeless as my abuser put me in debt as well. He had told me to get an abortion as he wouldn’t stay with me if I didn’t. I didn’t want to be with him and also didn’t want him in my life for 18 years longer.
I was only with him for 4 months when I ended my pregnancy and didn’t escape him nearly for a year after. The pain I endured during the pregnancy was the worst I’ve ever dealt with. Mentally, emotionally, and physically. It’s a reminder each month of ending my baby’s life. My abuser taunted me for a year after saying I murdered his baby (the one he encouraged me to terminate). I also would like to mention I’m not the only one he did this to. He made his actual ex gf do the same operation and abused her as well.
Every month, every day, every second, I am reminded of my own decision. I know I could’ve ran away to a shelter or something but I was scared . . .
