I am a 33 yr old woman. Every election year the trauma resurfaces from the horrible mistake society helped persuade me was the right thing to do. At the age of 21 I had just had 2 babies, 16 months apart. Three months later due to my carelessness was pregnant again. Looking back God wanted me to have that baby, I probably would of gave up being in what turned out to be a very volatile and abusive relationship years sooner with the extra reaponsebilty of another child. I know I would of left way sooner than dealing with a decade of what can only be described in hindsight as severe mental and physical abuse. I would of broke way sooner which would of benefited all of my children and myself.
Anyway I have always been a Christian and struggled hard with the decision of terminating the pregnancy but was young and didn’t realize the gravity or reality of what I was thinking about and ultimately ended up doing. I went into the clinic after a week of going back and forth and hearing that there would be no way I could give the baby a good life and was to selfish to give my baby up for adoption to a family that would of loved and cherished my baby. I didn’t realize I was so far along, 15 weeks. I saw the baby accidentally on the ultrasound machine because I peaked and there was my moving baby with fingers and toes and arms and legs… I was already squirming and started to really regret the decision once seeing what I was actually getting rid of, and the fact it was actually a lie despite the media telling us that it is just a fetus.
I went into the procedure room and was put to sleep, I never expected what followed to happen… I woke up. I woke up in the middle of them killing my baby. Everyone in the room looked shocked and paused in disbelief not really knowing how to react. I started to sit up while seeing my dead baby in pieces and in three large, what looked to be glass jars on a table filled with blood and parts of my unborn child. A Dr. immediately took action and put the gas mask on my face knocking me back unconscious.
Afterwards I felt numb. I struggled with the sight of seeing my baby in pieces in jars. With the thought of what if, did I make a mistake, did I do the right thing.. etc etc and was hit with the true reality of what I had done, I killed my unborn child. Even though it was legal I knew in my heart and from what I saw with my own eyes that I had done the unthinkable. I took an innocent life that was of my flesh and blood. Every year hearing people champion for reproductive rights sickens me, the lies spewed as if your doing the right thing, as if there is no way your baby will have a good life if you aren’t established in your career or aren’t making 75,000 a year or more, and the biggest lie of all is that it isn’t a life at all.
I have to struggle with the thought that when I die I will have to attone for my sins, face what I have done and pray the Lord forgives me for this awful, but real mistake I made when I was younger. The greatest joy and accomplishment in my life was having children, you won’t understand the love a mother has for their child until you are one yourself. It helps build your character and gives you the ability to love something more than yourself. I still can shut my eyes and see what I saw on that day.
Most people champion for abortion until they see a video of one, imagine seeing that happen to your own child with your own eyes. It is traumatic and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. I pray to the Lord for forgiveness and repent but is that enough? All I can do is be the best human being I can be, be nice and help those around me when I can and just hope God will offer me forgiveness now and when I leave this world. I hope my story helps someone and makes them think twice about aborting their child, and at the least think about adoption instead. Thank you, my name is Stephanie and this is my story.
