I was 18 years old. I just moved out 3 hours away from home. It was me and my boyfriend living together. My parents have already disliked him even though he is very smart and takes so good care of me. It was not till November 13th, I took 3 tests, due to a missed period and found out it was positive and that I was pregnant.
I was scared and wanted to keep and have this baby. I told my mom. And she freaked out and said “you need to get an abortion” and I responded back to that with that’s not what I want. That’s Terrible. Later that day I get a phone call from my parents yelling and calling me names saying that’s what I would be if I didn’t get the abortion. They threatened to abandon me and not support me. I was absolutely terrified. I was alone and I had very little time to decide what I wanted. I was told “you can’t afford it” and “you’re too young” and I was trapped in the middle of not knowing what to do.
I knew I had to get looked at so I went to a private pregnancy clinic. When I was there they confirmed the pregnancy and gave me an abundant amount of information on what I could do. After a few days of being pushed and stressing over what I would decide, I ended up deciding to get the abortion to give in to what everyone else wanted.
I was so heartbroken. My mom told me to find a place. She didn’t offer to help. Around 6.5 weeks into my term, I got a ultrasound because I wanted to see my baby. After that it really sold me to not do this. Not get the abortion. I called my parents to inform my change in decision (more to really tell them how I felt and what I wanted to do) and they raised hell and screamed and yelled at me calling me stupid. I didn’t get why I was being treated like this. After all it was MY baby. My mother forced me to find a place and schedule an appointment, my mom rented a car and drive us up there. It was a 10 hour drive from where I lived. 10 hours! To the closest one.
I had so much fear going to the clinic. My mother pretending to support me while we do what they chose to do. I felt hurt and scared. All while battling the vicious nausea and anxiety I was thinking “why is this happening to me this isn’t fair”. Day of the appointment, sitting in that cold waiting room around the other women all in shame of why where here. The clinic was so depressing. I signed into the front desk, and then waited. They called me back to the clinic room 4 different times. The first time was for an initial consult to prepare you and confirm this is your choice. I felt pressured to say yes, because my mom was in the other room. The second time included an ultrasound and confirmation of term length. I was nearly 7.5 weeks at the time of the appointment. The third visit included the medication to prepare for the surgical procedure I was about to undergo. And the final visit back, I undressed and laid down trying to breathe in a slow pattern to keep me calm. I was alone in that room. No mom no boyfriend. I had to do this alone.
The procedure was the most painful and horrific thing I have ever been through. It was truly traumatic and severely damaging to my mental health. I felt lost and hurt. I sat in the room they had for the girls who just had the operation and needed time to come back to if they had taken the anesthesia or relax and wait for the intense cramping pain and bleeding to go away. I decided to go into the procedure awake because my mother decided we couldn’t afford the anesthetic. I was heartbroken.
After my procedure I was hurting and so lost. The other young girls in the relaxing room looks hurt and sad. I was so mad at myself for letting my mom scared me in to that building. We traveled back and me and my boyfriend mourned and mourned. We were both so hurt. I wish I didn’t have to go through that. I found out my aunt was pregnant at the same time I was and had a baby girl in July of 2024 which was when I’d be due if I had kept the baby. I was going through so many emotions that I couldn’t process and not understanding why?
Why did I do that. I am left with a whole in my chest.
