When I was 19 I had gotten pregnant with a short term boyfriend who I really didn’t love. At the time I did not have health insurance. I had terrible morning sickness everyday and could not keep any food or water down. I was in the ER for dehydration. I felt terrible everyday. A friend of mine, who’s mother had cancer, would give me her anti nausea medicine to help me manage my morning sickness since I could not afford it.
My mother and friends suggested I get an abortion. I was conflicted about it but at the time I felt if I did it early enough, the baby wouldn’t actually be developed therefore it’s not a true living being. I proceeded with the abortion and while in the recovery room, I watched fellow patients crying when they woke up from the anesthesia. I however felt relief at the time because I was no longer sick from being pregnant.
Here I am 20 years later. God showed me life starts at conception. I feel terrible guilt everyday that I’m the reason my child is not here. I am the one who got rid of my child. I have 2 beautiful sons now who are my everything. I wonder who my first child would have been. What kind of sibling they could have been to their brothers. I can’t take it back and would do everything differently if I could. My decision took an innocent life. My ex boyfriend, to this day, has no children of his own. I wonder too if I robbed him of that chance of being a father.
